I'm listening to: Train - Drops of Jupiter

The last time I went back there was about a year ago, but today's visit was exceptionally different, for certain obvious reasons and other less apparent ones. It was so ridiculously surreal; I felt a mixture of dread, shock, and a strange urge to laugh in reaction to all that absurdity - it was hopelessly infectious and practically seeping into my skin; I'm not even exaggerating, that's exactly how uncomfortable it felt. Is it possible to revisit the past and relive old memories? Persons, things, and places rarely if ever stay constant, so what you think you remember can never quite match current reality. 

I don't think it's as trivial as it sounds, because human emotion (I think) inevitably draws for us associations between past and present states of the same entity. The combined effect is jarring and so painfully disconcerting. How can something feel so familiar and yet so alien at the same time? How do we reconcile memories (the familiar) with current reality (the unfamiliar); and how do each/both of these relate to the past? I'm completely baffled, though I know it doesn't help that I'm not expressing myself as clearly as I'd like, and I also feel slightly embarrassed because I'm also wondering who would give him/herself such a hard time over something like this. 

It was a striking feeling - the result of something my mind and my heart couldn't work out between themselves - how much of our personal experience is based on our environment vs. our thoughts, or, in what proportions do internal and external influences affect the human experience? And why haven't I been troubled by these questions earlier? Are the answers too glaringly obvious or does all this really mean something? This is also why I was so shaken hearing that cover of this song; an odd combination of joy, sadness, regret, nostalgia, thankfulness, fear, deja vu, and a whole bunch of other things. 

How much has changed, and how much more will change?

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?