After being away even for such a short while, I'm so glad to be home. My head and heart are in line again and I've returned with new clarity - or have the intricacies been obscured by an subconscious decision to ignore and forget? It doesn't matter either way.
It's frightening how quickly things can spiral out of control beneath immediate consciousness, where the only indication is when we get a sense of things bubbling under and threatening to burst out and devastate everything; that something isn't right, and we can only try to cushion the impact when it finally strikes. I don't often work that way, thank goodness. But when it does happen it's a sobering reminder of the mind as a partitioned entity which we don't often, if at all, have complete, deliberate control over.
Its spectre still haunts me and I wonder if it'll ever stop, but I can live with it. It's never been overwhelmingly difficult to come to terms with myself because if I can't, how could I expect anyone else to? The problem was in excavating the elusive heart of the matter.
This may never start,
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Monday, December 7, 2009
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