I'm listening to: Absinthe Glow - Contradictions

I don't feel like going to sleep yet. It isn't like the day's been great, much less exceptionally so, that I want to prolong it. It's just that I don't feel ready and willing to put conscious experience on hold right now. It sounds so ridiculous, but with so many things happening amidst constant change, I'm more than ever before painfully aware of the ravages of time and I need to take a moment to indulge myself in the illusion of standing outside of all of this mayhem, to entertain the thought of evading the inevitable.

The dead of the night virtually offers us the world in a still-life portrait; a window to temporarily cast aside all practical concerns and immerse the self in microcosmic eternities where second after second melt into each other and seem to run circular against the faded demarcations of the impersonal passing of time.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do or even how long I have to make up my mind, but I'm determined not to think about it at least for the rest of the night. Compartmentalizing our lives like that might be the only way to keep many of us remotely sane, but it's really quite odd considering it defies unity of existence. Possibly it takes place on a superficial level to offer just enough contrast to emphasize the latter instead, which I think is more deeply vital.

I'm quite bothered by the limits of consciousness in comparison with the territory of the subconscious/unconscious, with the idea that there are parts of my identity and knowledge chained to some undiscoverable crevasse of the mind and held completely off limits. At the same time, it's a relief because their emergence may hail the annihilation of everything held dear and in precarious balance with all the other odds and ends in messy reality. There isn't really much to complain about, I guess.

There're so many things I want to but have yet to do, and I've the rest of my life for that. But it's got to start somewhere. I'm craving human experience in its immaculate fullness - something I'm far from attaining at least as of now. Frankly, I have no idea what the missing elements are.




Oh when I look back now,
The summer seemed to last forever.

Oh and when you held my hand,
I knew that it was now or never.